my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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