Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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