i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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