just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
