20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize