Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
