Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
