2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
