Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
