my soul wont recognize me after tonight
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
