also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
