so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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