I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
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I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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