My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
