Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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