O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
