is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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