the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
