man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
