oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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