oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
