Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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