Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
