Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am naked and annoyed.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
