feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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