i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
