I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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