Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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