sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
