matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
