Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.

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  (978): I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it. http://tfl.nu/p2ch
  Replies (4) Good night (2785) Bad night (612)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  he broke up with me so i peed in his bed

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  (503): he broke up with me so i peed in his bed http://tfl.nu/g0ev
  Replies (15) Good night (2850) Bad night (1036)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.

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  (910): I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card. http://tfl.nu/3mw9
  Replies (66) Good night (1026) Bad night (3247)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

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  (208): We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands. http://tfl.nu/sr1t
  Replies (26) Good night (6114) Bad night (951)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.

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  (330): Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome. http://tfl.nu/sdp2
  Replies (8) Good night (5329) Bad night (939)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...

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  (616): So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes... http://tfl.nu/3so6
  Replies (6) Good night (3559) Bad night (1047)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

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  (732): I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked. http://tfl.nu/sxfw
  Replies (15) Good night (6164) Bad night (2055)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.

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  (504): If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life. http://tfl.nu/0spe
  Replies (9) Good night (2226) Bad night (1079)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.

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  (717): Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move. http://tfl.nu/kgo8
  Replies (9) Good night (1272) Bad night (2146)
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  (353): View more from

  I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.

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  (353): I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina. http://tfl.nu/ajvp
  Replies (5) Good night (1379) Bad night (494)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.

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  (724): I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout. http://tfl.nu/bypz
  Replies (3) Good night (873) Bad night (383)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.

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  (506): Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression. http://tfl.nu/0vde
  Replies (4) Good night (934) Bad night (448)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately

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  (701): I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately http://tfl.nu/hiyd
  Replies (2) Good night (710) Bad night (516)
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  (707): View more from California

  Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..

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  (707): Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult.. http://tfl.nu/smpu
  Replies (6) Good night (881) Bad night (355)
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  (619): View more from California

  So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...

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  (619): So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush... http://tfl.nu/5wkj
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (556)

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