Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
