his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.