Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.