You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!