Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?

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  (816): dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink? http://tfl.nu/aysx
  Replies (2) Good night (598) Bad night (962)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bring money and cleavage

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  (978): bring money and cleavage http://tfl.nu/w9ou
  Replies (20) Good night (6041) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship

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  (207): i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship http://tfl.nu/kphu
  Replies (13) Good night (1885) Bad night (3812)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night

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  (913): the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night http://tfl.nu/dx83
  Replies (28) Good night (5029) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.

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  (916): Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus. http://tfl.nu/w1gl
  Replies (17) Good night (1037) Bad night (5312)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.

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  (416): Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer. http://tfl.nu/oqpc
  Replies (6) Good night (2029) Bad night (1251)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.

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  (301): A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero. http://tfl.nu/wa7o
  Replies (17) Good night (5039) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.

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  (661): I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now. http://tfl.nu/5tlj
  Replies (2) Good night (1369) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?

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  (714): I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what? http://tfl.nu/ezau
  Replies (7) Good night (1221) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."

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  (480): We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor." http://tfl.nu/95x9
  Replies (4) Good night (3238) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.

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  (610): porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy. http://tfl.nu/gke1
  Replies (12) Good night (2395) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.

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  (709): Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him. http://tfl.nu/nwj5
  Replies (14) Good night (853) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.

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  (469): I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep. http://tfl.nu/gn6b
  Replies (13) Good night (1914) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again

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  (402): I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again http://tfl.nu/3l87
  Replies (0) Good night (783) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.

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  (626): I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases. http://tfl.nu/mmj1
  Replies (0) Good night (248) Bad night (379)

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