Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.

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(703): one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day. http://tfl.nu/f2q9

Replies (16) Good night (1489) Bad night (3536)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.

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(860): Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture. http://tfl.nu/0rjo

Replies (18) Good night (4568) Bad night (1235)
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(561): View more from Florida

so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same

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(561): so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same http://tfl.nu/2qn4

Replies (9) Good night (5150) Bad night (1039)
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(805): View more from California

he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.

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(805): he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop. http://tfl.nu/2w6b

Replies (14) Good night (2936) Bad night (1092)
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(630): View more from Illinois

i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot

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(630): i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot http://tfl.nu/y6a1

Replies (12) Good night (3473) Bad night (1039)
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(519): View more from Ontario

ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.

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(519): ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar. http://tfl.nu/yprb

Replies (5) Good night (2476) Bad night (1061)
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(509): View more from Washington

I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

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(509): I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg http://tfl.nu/tr8k

Replies (6) Good night (2306) Bad night (870)
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(903): View more from Texas

Beer Popsicles are better in theory

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(903): Beer Popsicles are better in theory http://tfl.nu/iyrx

Replies (9) Good night (2086) Bad night (1009)
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(949): View more from California

I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?

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(949): I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right? http://tfl.nu/15sn

Replies (11) Good night (1920) Bad night (816)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

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(862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis

Replies (33) Good night (6452) Bad night (1365)
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(954): View more from Florida

in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.

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(954): in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume. http://tfl.nu/xcgb

Replies (8) Good night (3521) Bad night (664)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.

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(205): Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/igo8

Replies (6) Good night (2495) Bad night (620)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Can't find our DD

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.

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(919): Can't find our DD (1-919): He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door. http://tfl.nu/0qwm

Replies (4) Good night (1126) Bad night (270)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.

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(703): I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me. http://tfl.nu/1fay

Replies (2) Good night (759) Bad night (375)
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(432): View more from Texas

Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like

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(432): Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like http://tfl.nu/z3sn

Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (299)

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