Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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