So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
