The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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