Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
sex in a hospital.. check
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
