she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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