dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
