It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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