I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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