I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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