please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
