remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
