This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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