Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
