It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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