Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
