Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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