she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
