I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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