i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
