and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We are two peas in an std pod
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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