Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When are your genitals available?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
