You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
