Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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