it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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