even my farts smell like vagina
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
