You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
