I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
