So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
