U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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