so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
