i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
