i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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