His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
