Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
