Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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