I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
