We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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