those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
