i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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