My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
