I need help removing her.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
